03 July, 2009

Attention seeking

I've run across a couple of discussions in the bloggosphere lately about how much attention mums should be paying to their kids. This really hit home for me today oddly enough, or perhaps as a consequence of having it on my brain, I don't know!

Hazel's going through a phase of demanding that I "keep [her] company" - I must be in the room with her, and of preference, giving her my undivided attention or even better, playing with her. I don't mind this to an extent, I like paying attention to her and I feel that as an only child she perhaps has more call on my time than if she had a sibling to harass or be harassed by. But I feel that there must be limits, that I should be able to do my own thing for at least short periods of time. She disagrees. Both of us got quite petulant today at various points when our wishes were thwarted. I had some idea of getting back to the quilt, but I quite literally couldn't put up with the whining and complaints about how long I was taking and when was I coming back into the living room and gave in.

I really don't know how much crafting/me time I can reasonably expect to get with her at this age, perhaps I'm being over-optimistic for a four year old; but on the other hand I have absolutely no intention of being at her beck and call the rest of my life. She needs to learn to entertain herself at some point! She actually can, for quite long periods of time, but generally only when she realises that she's not going to get any joy out of me for whatever reason. Is it simply a matter of forcing her to rely on her own imagination and resources and getting her out of the habit of automatically turning to me for entertainment, or do I need to accept that I'm still pretty much the centre of her world and just suck it up for awhile longer? It seems from other bloggers that there is crafting to be done during the day with kids in the house, or am I allowing the unreality in blogs to colour my perception of reality and my situation? Bottom line is that I'd like to sew and stuff in daylight hours - even if just to figure out fabric colours!

8 comments:

  1. Ohhhhh! So you're a "beck and call girl" too? lol I feel your pain. I have two little girls (2 & 6) and every time I even think about answering the phone, popping onto the computer, sewing, etc. they all the sudden need me. *Sigh*

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  2. There I was with my little 9 month old boy thinking that free time would start happening for me when he gets a little older and can entertain himself... is this just a myth? I really, really hope not!

    I hope you find a balance with Hazel soon so that you can both enjoy time together and time doing separate things... either that or you are just going to have to teach her how to do quilting!

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  3. Age 4 is the perfect time to start "ignoring" her and letting her play on her own. In my opinion. From my expereience with my stepson, when he was 4 it was all about having dad there every second. And becuase my husband wasn't good about letting him figure it out on his own, or play by himself for small periods of time, he is still doing it now that he's 7. I try and step in and have him figure things out on his own, or give dad some break time and that does help, but my husband really should have put his foot down himself. While I think it's important to spend time with your kids, I think it's equally important that they learn to play and imagine on their own. And it's just as important for us to have a small break of our own. :)

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  4. I think kidddies need to learn to play by themselves. Actually I have some definite ideas about it!!! Start in a structured way... I'm setting the timer for 20 minutes, I want you to play quietly in your room while I sew. I think it is actuallly the best gift you can give your kids to be able to make their own fun! I have teenagers and little ones. when my teenagers were little I would not let them say they were bored. If they did they had to clean the toilet (A bored person needs a job) some days it got cleaned A LOT. They thank me now that they can make their own fun! Sorry will hop off my soap box now!!!

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  5. I used to sew when Cam had his afternoon sleep, but that went away about a year ago. Now I usually can only do cutting while he's up. I try to sew occasionally when he's chilling out in the afternoon (he watches a bit of TV, instead of sleeping)but that doesn't always work out. It's hard to find the energy to sew at night once the big kids are all in bed. Most of my sewing time in on the weekends when Dad is around to amuse the boy :-)

    I am looking forward to Cam going to preschool in a month. I'll have two days a week to myself 8.30am to 3pm. Hooray!!!

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  6. At four, I always remembered playing with friends. Maybe she needs a good girl pal that they could play together. I remember not wanting my mom around after that...

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  7. my youngest brother is a single dad with an only child; a boy. He is now putting his foot down about the boy learning how to play alone especially when its time to make dinner - but its frustrating for both. I think only children are at a disadvantage to some degree - too much personalized attention is not necessarily a good thing.

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  8. Most of the time Dali is really good while mummy is on the computer, or cooking or whatever, but occasionally he'll be very clingy so it's a trade-off :)

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