Mine, not Hazel's! I suppose I should set the scene: I like to make things for Hazel, mostly clothes and stuffies. I enjoy the process and the results. Hazel? Not so much. The results are mixed - some things she loves, some things she doesn't mind, some things she refuses to wear/play with. The refusals are usually clothes. Now to be fair she often does come around to them, but in the meantime I feel really rejected and stupid. Logically I know this is silly, she's four and trying out her ability to choose and impose her wishes, but my pride is hurt and it makes me more reluctant each time I do it to do it again.
I made her a skirt out of fabric she'd really really wanted in the store. She refuses point blank to wear it. I made the lovely spotty jacket. She's refused to wear it several times and had to be bribed to put it on for the photo shoot. Today she refused to wear it again and it was just the last straw. I told her that since she refused to wear anything I made her I was going to stop making her clothes and stomped out of the room. Of course she came out after me declaring it was all a joke and of course she'd wanted to wear it, but that just made it worse because it patently wasn't true. I hid away and cried. Literally. Then I got ahold of myself and we went to the zoo and I managed to get over it. We even had a nice little talk about it and I apologised for having a tantrum and explained why I'd been so upset.
But you know, I'm still not sure if I can bring myself to make things for her. It kills me to say it but why should I play these mind games with her, and if they're not mind games then I obviously have no idea what she likes by way of clothes! What's the point of making things for someone who doesn't appreciate them? I've got loads of people who I could make things for who would. I don't necessarily make things for the appreciation, but it's an important part of the process I think, even on a small scale. I don't think it's possible to invest that time and energy into things that are unwanted. And god forbid that I become one of those people who try and manipulate others into appreciation or guilt. This has turned into rather a whiny and self-pitying post I know (I promise not to become one of those bloggers honest!), but I haven't felt this crap about making stuff for a long long time. I know I'll probably just continue on making things for her because I love it more than I hate the rejection, but I certainly feel wary and less joyful about the process.
